Old is the New New

INT. BANK – WASHINGTON DC – DAY

Christian has paused during his day of Idea Engineering to make a deposit at a bank.

INT. IDEA ENGINE – DAY

Christian has returned to work and is on the phone with a journalist.

JOURNALIST

What else have you got for the Old is the New New thing? I’ve always found that kind of interesting.

CHRISTIAN

“Kind of” interesting? You mean “very” interesting. Case in point: the Apple guy. The new one. That kid who was also in LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD.

JOURNALIST

What about him?

CHRISTIAN

He’s new, right?

JOURNALIST

Yup. Like you just said, he’s “the new Apple guy.” You said “new.”

CHRISTIAN

Yes, he is new. But he’s also old. I’ve done some digging in the archives, and I’ve turned up a photo of Steve Jobs, circa 1976. Check it out.

JOURNALIST

I can’t. I’m on the phone.

CHRISTIAN

Hold on. I’ll email you.

Christian emails.

JOURNALIST

Got it. That’s interesting.

CHRISTIAN

The new Apple guy is a body double of Steve Jobs. I even created a Hair Similarity Index. And in the photo on the right, the Hair Similarity Index is a 10. On a scale of 10. The New Apple Guy is the Old Apple Guy. Old is the new new.

JOURNALIST

It’s kind of weird that Steve Wozniak sorta seems like the model for the PC guy.

CHRISTIAN

Yeah, I wonder how The Woz feels about that. Or if he even knows.

A moment of quiet. The journalist breaks it.

JOURNALIST

Another thing . . . you should check out Redneck Bank.

CHRISTIAN

That’s weird that you say that. I was just at a bank today.

JOURNALIST

What are the odds. Anyway, Redneck is exercising some innovative marketing in this tough climate for banks, sort of along the lines of what you and I were talking about. Their motto is “where bankin’s funner.”

Christian pulls up Redneck Bank on the Web.

CHRISTIAN

It seems Redneck Bank has taken the whole “old is the new new” phenomenon one step further. They went for broken-down old is the new new. Their login icon on their website is a dilapidated outhouse.

(tips his coffee cup to his lips and discovers it is empty)

But I guess it's working. I just clicked to open a Redneck checking account, and it's got a big graphic saying SOLD OUT and won't allow you to go forward. Guess that means they're busy. And that the marketing campaign is working.

JOURNALIST

But wait, there’s more.

CHRISTIAN

What do you mean, “But wait. There’s more.” As in, “But wait, there’s more. For just $19.95 you get the steak knives free?”

JOURNALIST

(puzzled)
That’s not at all what I mean. I mean there’s more to this story.

CHRISTIAN

I know. I just thought it was funny that you said, “But wait, there’s more.”

JOURNALIST

I didn’t say that.

CHRISTIAN

Yes, you did.

JOURNALIST

No, I didn’t.

CHRISTIAN

Wait ’til I write my blog. I’m going to put you in it. And I’ll quote you directly, and you’ll see that it is exactly what you said.

JOURNALIST

You seem like the kind of guy who likes to win every argument.

CHRISTIAN

I am.

JOURNALIST

Suit yourself. Anyway, what I mean by “there’s more” is that even though Redneck Bank is new, their parent isn’t. And they’re pretty proud of their history and make sure to tap into it. Let me read to you from the “about us”—“Redneck Bank® is the Internet Banking Division of Bank of the Wichitas®, a bank that was established in 1913 . . . and has a long history of excellence in the banking industry."

CHRISTIAN

Hmm, that’s interesting, because my company specializes in the history of companies, countries, non-profits, etc.

JOURNALIST

That’s why I mentioned it to you.

CHRISTIAN

Good instinct.